Can I write naked today? No, I don’t mean naked as in without clothes, but rather naked as in dropping all pretense and just writing what I am feeling. Is that OK today? If you’re not OK with that, well too bad. I’m in need of a naked writing day. So, here goes…
I’m a mess right now. I’m tired, irritable, short on patience and mercy and grace (which is hard to do when you are a mercy by nature), I’m just plain spent. My house is a disaster and I know that comes from and plays into what I am feeling as well. I’m feeling overwhelmed and I’m taking it out on those around me. I’m short with Stephen and any small amount of disrespect or disobedience has found me reacting instead of responding. I realized this morning that I was jumping before there was even something to jump about and it’s tough to face. I’m emotionally exhausted, therefore physically exhausted, but I’m realizing that my spiritual tank is empty as well. I have no reserves in my tank and so there’s no overflow to work off of. I know this and I’m working hard starting today to resolve this.
It’s not easy to admit this on this blog, in public, because I’m not an “admit my faults” kind of person and because this could come back to bite me, but I have a strong feeling that I am not the only one who can admit to this. In fact, I would dare say that a very good number of you could probably admit to either being in this place right now or being in this place before. And I’m not saying all of this to gain your sympathy or your “I’m so sorry you’re going through this” comments, I am simply writing naked today in an attempt to follow something God placed on my heart to do today and by following His leading, I get a step closer to being back where I need to be with Him.
Have you ever felt like your tank was empty?