“Grace…” Chapter 1: Are you a good girl in hiding?

September 26, 2012 — 4 Comments

The chapter opens up with this great quote:

“God hath given you one face, and you make yourselves another.” ~William Shakespeare, Hamlet

Freeman reminds us of the old Halloween masks that had holes for the eyes and nose and a tiny slit for the mouth. Do you remember those? Behind those masks it would get hot and sticky and sweaty and hard to breathe. After a while we would give up on the mask and take it off, feeling relief. Those of us who are hiding eventually feel that way as well. And our hiding keeps us from speaking out or speaking up for ourselves when we need to. It keeps us paralyzed with fear and anxiety when we should and could be dancing in freedom.

Do you find that when you feel weak, you stay strong and project a fake happy even when you want to cry because in your mind the “ideal image has everything to do with put together and nothing to do with falling apart” (book)? I do. When I want and even need to break down and just let myself cry and be OK, I find that I work even harder to stay strong. I have heard myself say time and again, “I don’t have time to fall apart. I have to keep going, I have to stay strong.”

Do you fear rejection? I do and because of it, I am “cautious in love. I am timid in faith. I long to be seen, but I feel safe when I’m invisible” (book). But today I want you, and myself, to see this:

“Fear drives. But love leads.” (book)

When we live in fear we live in “sometimes truth”, when God’s truth doesn’t feel true. Sometimes truth can manifest itself in different ways. Let’s look at Emily Freeman’s Sometimes Truth:

  • I am more insecure than I would ever admit
  • The weight of expectation is heavy and often unbearable
  • Comparison is a constant companion
  • I have unexplained anxiety
  • I am not the mom I thought I would be
  • I don’t quite measure up
  • I cry in the shower

She also goes on to say that “when you are a believer in Jesus but you don’t know what difference he makes, you are forced to depend on that which you do know:

  • I knew how to be a friend and listen with interest
  • I knew how to get people to like me
  • I knew how to avoid conflict
  • I knew how to perform for acceptance
  • I knew how to be positive
  • I knew how to fake it when I felt negative”

I can tell you that all of the above describes or has described me.  I am so good at the above that it would probably scare you if you knew.

And please don’t think that because of all of this, I didn’t really believe, I wasn’t really saved, because I was and I am. I knew that He loved us, I knew that He wanted the best for us, but I didn’t understand, and am still learning, His love for me personally. I am reminding myself daily as I walk through this book that “Worry is a thief, Fear is a liar, and Anxiety is for the trembling, furrow-browed baby.” “I was made to be distinctly someone and so were you.”

April

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4 responses to “Grace…” Chapter 1: Are you a good girl in hiding?

  1. Great post, April. Over the last four or five years I’ve been in a very uncertain economic reality with business and legal battles that have crossed into my personal life. The fear, stress, anxiety, and doubt that was enveloping me caused me to search scriptures for the peace from God. It did exactly that. I’ve learned a great deal about God’s promise and hand in my life. And while my circumstances haven’t changed, my perspective has. If I’m a child of God then who can do more to me than what my Father causes or allows? If He already knows the outcome, why am I going to stress or doubt His sovereignty along with His grace and mercy?

    You’re not alone. In our weakness is where we find need. In that need our Father lifts us beyond this flesh. We live with peace and joy that no one who doesn’t know God can…

    That’s the passion of the, Blessed Beyond Measure Girl!

    • I hear you, Floyd. Recently my old SUV died with right at 200,000 miles on it and I found myself worrying whether or not it would be fixed, what I would do if it couldn’t, etc. My mom stopped us all one night and we prayed that God would either fix this car or provide the money for me to have a car note. The next day we knew the car wouldn’t be fixed, Dad and I went to the dealership, found a great, barely used car, and God provided the financing. I am working on trusting Him in all areas. It’s a work in progress :)

  2. I have to be honest, the first thing that came to my mind as I read this was, “She needs to teach a Bible study on this.”

    See you Sunday afternoons at 4:30?

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